Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Unforgiveness? Me?!

Have you ever heard about unforgiveness causing sickness and disease?  I have heard this for many years and always doubted it a little.  After all, I've known many people who were sick or even died from disease who I am absolutely certain didn't harbor any ill will towards anyone.  Why, just this weekend I watched two men at church, both of whom recently lost their precious young wives to cancer, continue to trust God and worship Him while I am sure they are asking "Why??".  And then today I heard the diagnosis of a young girl who is such a joy to be around, who is suffering from a disease for which there is no cure.  Lots and lots of people suffer and there is undoubtedly no unforgiveness in their hearts. 

But, in my case, maybe I'm on to something after all.  All weekend I have not felt as great as usual - slight arm and chest pain, slight breathlessness, and just general lethargy.  I attributed it to the heat.  Then yesterday I realized I am just plain old ANGRY.  I am angry when I feel bad.  I think that it is unfair and I had myself an old fashioned ugly temper tantrum.  Yep, kicking things around, etc. etc.  I sure looked stupid.  And, no, I didn't feel any better afterwards; actually had to lay down to rest....haha.   But something happened when I went to sleep.  I dreamt about someone who I have been angry with for a long time, probably close to ten years.  Several times I felt like I had forgiven this person.  But in my dream she was humble, meek, soft-spoken, kind, and concerned about me.  Nothing like I had experienced in real life.  Was God showing me how HE sees her?  Wow, reality check!  I have not even seen this person in almost a year but I thought I caught a glimpse of her the other day even though I don't think now that it was really her.  Isn't it funny how God works things out so you have to deal with reality?  Did I ever really forgive her?  Uh.....probably not. OK; so now I have and actually can't wait to "accidentally" see her, for real this time.  Here's to good health!

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